A Fresh Start

If you would have told me five years ago, when I was packing up to leave for college for the first time, that shortly after graduation I’d be moving in with my dad in Podunk, Georgia I would have slapped you in the face and called you silly. Now, that I’m here I can hardly believe it. Prior to taking up my new residence I was in a thrice-yearly obligatory 2-minute phone conversation commitment with my dad. The man who took off my junior year of high school, with a day of notice that he was leaving, in pursuit of greener pastures in the great state of Georgia. Even though we share several DNA commonalities, we were linked together in no other way. Now, we are roommates, and I have yet to adjust.

Moving to a new city with no job prospects and friends who are more than 30 minutes away is hard enough, but to couple that with living with a man that makes your blood boil because of his frequent dishonesty and lack of true compassion, well in an angsty Holden Caufield kind of way it’s just torture. Seriously, what living breathing compassionate God would do this to a person? Probably, one who gets off at watching humans squirm! After four and a half years of college, I thought I’d have better luck finding a job quickly even in a down turned economy, naive I know, but holding a diploma is something that not even a quarter of the residence in Podunk, Georgia hold. I’m being unfair, cynical, and mean to the people that I now share a city with. It’s hard not to be bitter and mad at the world when you know that none of this is your fault. (Side note: Unnecessary p.o.v. change but it’s easier to separate than accept truth).

I don’t know why I decided to choose a degree that would leave me limited job opportunities in my field. Well, if I were to take a guess it would be the innocence of youth, of not understanding the way the world works. Even into my senior year of college I had this crazy notion that money does not have an impact in quality of life. That happiness is dictated by self-worth and self-worth has an inverse relationship with money. Nine months after graduation, I find my optimistic attitude dwindling and my interest in finding a job that can pay for my party-a-day lifestyle hungrily increasing.

As I sit now in the corporate chain I used to work for, I find myself wondering why did this all happen to me? Why should I be forced to live in a city where I could never see myself fitting? My mind constantly wonders how long it will take for me to find a job and home closer to somewhere more appealing. My stubborn heart is starting to questions the motives of my maker. I ask again what kind of loving, compassionate God would do this to me? I used to be a good person, a straight A or thereabouts student, a non-confrontational, mostly loving, and genuinely honest member of society. I’m unsure of what happened to me over the last year that has hardened my heart. But here I am just outside of suburbia, longing for my journey to move me closer to an interesting city that will allow me to grow into a friendlier, more welcoming person. That sounds kind of backwards, I’m sure.

Southern hospitality is a thing down here. In my few weeks that I’ve actually managed to stay in Podunk, I’ve noticed that people are generally more welcoming, they smile more frequently and their dispositions sunnier. My real problem with Podunk is being so far away from people to spend quality time. I am in desperate need of social interaction. The state of depression I have entered into because of my circumstances is concerning. I know if my situation doesn’t change soon I will be closer to that state of mind I held 5 years ago shortly after my dad left. When my life seemed to be crumbling around me. I know that I can never fully go back to that state because I am always reminded of my eventual resilience.

At this point you’re probably unsure of the point of all this rambling, you’re allowed to be, but I do have one. It’s a project idea, one of my infamous projects that I start and never finish. The idea is this, to document life in Podunk, Georgia from my point of view. As with all of my unfinished projects it’s self-serving in nature and so if this doesn’t interest you, I’m happy to have wasted your time. That’s right I said it because your eyes reading through this document means that I am one step closer to some form of social interaction than I was an hour ago when I left my dad’s house in search of a place to be around people. (Although, I do feel bad about it because I’d like for you to be interested in my project of course, I’m egocentric can you really blame me).

So here’s to a fresh start, a new life, a new beginning even if it wasn’t the one I had been hoping for before I entered into college. Ramble on.