Friday, March 20, 2015

Fall is my favorite time of year... but I hate September....

Recently, I've received a lot of great news. I was able to acquire a new job, doing something similar but on a less intense scale. I've been able to travel south and see a Braves game. I've made a new friend. I biked 23 miles with my mom and her boyfriend. I've been doing really well in school. I turned 26. And I may have made amends with someone.

Even still, this time of year is always miserable for me. I don't know why but September reminds me of death. It's the weirdest thing, perhaps its because I'm always reminded of death in September. I'm still not sure when my dad's mom died, but I always think about it in September. I had a friend commit suicide in September, I knew a girl I went to summer camp with who was hit by a car and killed in September. My mom's mom died in September. As often as I try to avoid the subject I always find myself surrounded by it. Most often in September. Even when I try to start new things, try to forget about the inevitable, I am reminded. I know that death is just another part of life, but I think it still hurts. I just wish that I didn't have to face this pain ever year. I just don't want to be reminded anymore. I don't want to remember how stupid I was. I don't want to be surrounded by the pain. Cause it hurts to think about missing someone, it hurts to think about missing a part of yourself.

Happy Birthday, Richard.

So I'm Married now...

I completely forgot about this blog thing because I had a whirl wind of a year or two. However, long it's been.

Here's a recap:

I realized how awesome I am, and then I met someone who realized it too. We fell in love. I got a promotion he made some video games. After a year of dating we got engaged and married in what seemed like rapid succession. In reality we wouldn't have had it any other way. That was February of last year, in the meantime we bought a house and moved to the suburbs. We also expanded our family with a puppy. She's adorable

I took another job at work and am much happier with a job that requires minimal desk work. I've realized that I'm not the desk job type. I also finished a Master's degree program and am starting a PhD in July. 

I am no longer a vagabond, but I still travel (when I can afford it). 

Life is a glorious adventure. And the lemonade is getting easier to make in time.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

An Update of Sorts.

I feel like I owe this blog some attention so here it is an update:

January - Made new friends went to meditation pretty regularly, started a relationship with this guy. Things were going pretty well, until I got really sick. But I made up for it by going to Geek Bowl.
February- Went to Geek Bowl it was awesome! Had a pretty cool valentine's day and I learned to ski.
March - things went well, I still have no idea what I did on St. Patty's day. I continued the meditation thing and started planning a birthday party that turned out to be pretty stellar.
April - hosted said birthday party, went to Pax East (unless that was in May, it was easter, that was fun).
May- Got dumped started exercising, began going to Church.
June - continued exercising, finished my first year working in an Elementary school.
July - Had an AMAZING fourth of July with my friend Jay. Fourth of July is turning out to be my favorite holiday because it always seems that I'm on some wild adventure on these days.
August - took up running with the sole intention of running one race and then being done with it.
September - ran my first Obstacle course and signed up for the Tough Mudder. Got a job back at my old company being a job coach for kids with special needs. Also had a pirate birthday party, and got new roommates who are awesome.
October - ran my first 5k. Went to New York City to see my favorite Canadian. I missed her. I still do, she's amazing.
November - managed to run 7.61 miles without stopping. Went home for the first time in two years and spent Thanksgiving with my mom for the first time in like 10 years. (Thanksgiving is my dad's family thing, although I haven't been home for that either).
To date: preparing for a 5k that I'm running next Saturday. I've lost 50 lbs since May, which is pretty impressive. But I'm feeling kind of awesome these days.
This post is poor. But you know it was about time for something... also this should probably get edited at some point and I should stop writing after 9pm without the aid of my glasses.

How to lose 50 pounds: the getting dumped diet.

Disclaimer*** I started writing this back in August, and just recently finished it.

So you want to lose weight you say? Well I have the trick for you! It's gonna take a while, some dedication, some hard work. The first step is to go out there and live your life; do things, join a book club, or a softball team, or host pub quizzes. Make sure life is awesome so that way men (or women) whatever the case maybe are attracted to you. People are attracted to people with a life it's a proven fact (or at least one I just made up). Think about it you like people who do things, you don't like people who do nothing. Unless your me, in which case you like practically everyone (at least that's how I used to be, I find myself to be a tad bit picky these days). Anyway life will be going great, you'll meet a guy (or girl), preferably Canadian. You like Canadians they're stereotypically nice. Date this person for a while, stop doing the things you were doing before because you're young and you only live once so you're up to trying new things. Try new things. Everything he does you should do. He's gonna always invite you along cause he's nice and you won't decline the invitation because you're nice. That's just the way nice people are, anyway eventually you'll stop doing all the things you like doing in order to do the things he does because well, that's just what you do. Things will go great. Seriously you guys won't ever fight. That would be silly. He's Canadian and Canadians don't like fighting, you don't like fighting either (you may actually be part Canadian, but you're not entirely sure). He's gonna make you feel like he wants you around all the time, so you'll be around all the time, for him. Although in reality, you both need personal space. Then he should go away so that way you can get your personal space. A two week trip would be really great. While he's away you should go to the gym. You're shower's broken, and you're roommates are really weird about the shower and you're too nice to argue, so it will just be easier to shower at the gym, make sure you work out first. While he's gone, start doing your own things again. Don't worry you're really gonna enjoy doing all the things you've been avoiding because you're too nice. Seriously go to the gym everyday, or do some kind of exercise. When he comes back from his travels (you should definitely pick him up from the airport, and you should definitely take the day off unpaid from work, because you're nice). Then he'll dump you, because you're too nice. Then only eat like half a meal a day don't worry you won't have an appetite anyway, but continue to workout; it will help you to get your mind off of him. Because if you did it right you fell head over heels for this kid, so when you break up it will really really hurt. But don't worry it does get better. It does. It takes a while, 6 months later you'll still have dreams about him, but you won't look him up anymore. You'll eventually delete his number from his phone, after you send him a text message that he never responds too probably because he hates you, but only because you're too nice, which must be saying something because he is Canadian after all. Keep exercising, begin eating again, seriously  you can only do the not eating thing for like two weeks if you do it any longer you should consider getting some help. But when you do start eating again, eat five small meals a day. Seriously, and work out. 5 days a week, it doesn't have to be hard just move go for a walk, take a spin class, ride your bike, everywhere. Sign up for races, become obsessed with beating your race time, you'll start at 14 minute miles but by the end of the summer you'll be down to 10 minute miles, and that's impressive. The weight will fall off, every time your mom comes to town she'll have to buy you new pants, you'll really like that because your mom has been obsessed with your weight, since fourth grade when you came home crying everyday because the boys called you free willy. But you were to nice to do anything but cry and eat more ice cream so it was a perpetual problem. Now though, your mom will be happy with you, you'll be happy with you, you'll hate yourself a little bit for caring, but you'll really love how great it feels to be a girl and wear a dress. You never knew you could love wearing dresses, and even though you still wear shorts underneath them, you like the way it feels. Keep making goals for yourself, at first you wanted to run 12 minute miles, then you want to run 11 minute miles, then you'll want to run 9 minute miles. You'll start off running your first 5k, and you'll kill it so then you'll want to run a 10k, then you'll want to run a 1/2 marathon. Just keep going, you stop thinking about who you might spend the rest of your life with and you start thinking about who you have to spend the rest of your life with: yourself. You've always been a pretty cool person, you're too nice, but don't hate yourself for it, embrace it. You just you know have to  get better about letting people take advantage of your nice.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

I fell off the map again.

I'm really good at falling off the map. I've been doing it more regularly as of late. It feels good to avoid social networking sites and focus on other things, but it usually means that I'm the last one to know things. Here is what's been happening over the last few months

January - I got really sick but managed to make it to Geek Bowl (in Austin, Tx) and I painted a wicked cool 6ft by 3ft banner. I'll have to upload a picture later.

February - I actually had a valentine. That was really cool and special. February vacation consisted of me hanging out. I got the boot from one of my pub quiz venues, but picked up another one rather quickly. I still really like hosting pub quizzes. I went skiing.

March - I'm writing a grant, for class, but am secretly (well not so secretly) hoping I can submit it. I'm skeptical about it's success but it's cool. I started going to meditation regularly. It's supposed to help me focus, although I'm skeptical as the results so far seem to have surged this internal war. I find myself to be spiritually confused right now. I feel really lonely again. I sometimes fantasize about going back to Georgia, not because I had a lot of friends there but because at least I had family and it wasn't Florida. I keep pissing off my roommates, but not intentionally. I feel really isolated even though I'm probably around people more often now than I was before. I think it's just more apparent how distant I am from other people.

I've read several books already this year, these are outside of class. That's good for me. I'm almost finished with like the 2nd or 3rd book. I should do a book count or something.

 I wasn't intending for this to be some kind of downer piece. I have a lot of really awesome things going on for me. Like Pub Quizzes, hanging out with the Shambhala kids from meditation, the guy I'm seeing. (I don't really want to write much about that though, because I'm superstitious). But there is something missing... and I can't place my finger on it...

I have homework to do so I'm gonna go do that. 


Thursday, January 12, 2012

2011 a Year in Review

This year wasn't particularly easier. I lost my gall bladder. I've gotten really sick several times. I had some pretty big blow outs with people that were really close to me. I went from working 40 hours a week, to anywhere  between 48 and 62 (mostly averaging 54). I work four jobs (my taxes this year are gonna be a mess, not because of anything illegal, but because of all the jobs). I stopped eating meat. I made a lot of mistakes this year.
It's weird, 2011 started out with a bang! It was crazy awesome, but then I got sick. And then sick again. But then things turned around for a while. My friend Allee came to visit. We went on a wacky adventure. My buddy Jay moved to town and we rode bikes. I acquired three bikes this year. (I'm not allowed to buy anymore bikes in 2012). I got a pet frog. She's still alive and she seems happy. I played league softball. I got really into pub quiz (playing and hosting). I met up with a bunch of friends, in NYC. I made it to Maine. I road my bike all over the city of Boston. I saw a Braves game in Turner field. I made new friends. I read a bunch of books. I stopped eating meat. I made a lot of good choices this year. And had a lot of crazy awesome adventures, e.g. riding bikes until 4 in the morning with Jay, or going to three concerts, or driving around the northeast with Allee, or going to Maine on a whim, or riding my bike all over Boston. (I know I mentioned the bike thing a lot but it's wicked cold and I can't wait for the weather to warm up). 

The good and the bad seemed to balance itself out in a nice neat way. (At least in the end it's nice and neat, in the midst of it all it it's a mess).

Before 2011 ended I read a book called The Happiness Project. The book was awesome it was about this ladies personal adventure to try and find more happiness in her life. She made a lot of really interesting points on happiness and I think it was a great way to end such a challenging year. There was something more specific that helped to end 2011 the right way. In any case, I look forward to the year ahead.

I'm excited to see what 2012 has in store for me.


Monday, December 19, 2011

Santa Clause is coming to town?

I don't have a chimney, and I'm pretty sure the fat man doesn't deliver to anyone over the age of 25. Fortunately, I'm finally at that place in my life where I don't feel like the world will end if I don't get that Super Nintendo. It's weird. Momma Pens is coming to town tomorrow. I'm stoked although I don't really know what to do for Christmas in Boston. But at least I can avoid Christmas in Florida. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like it will be a white Christmas. Last year there was a blizzard right before Christmas. This year, it's clear skies and no sign of the white fluffy stuff. Maybe, I'll get lucky and Santa will bring me snow for Christmas. (Although, I'm pretty sure my mom would rather he didn't).

Life is good. I feel like I'm getting better at recognizing when things are going well for me. Right now, things are going really well. I like my jobs, all four of them. I like my friends, new and old. I'm keeping busy. Like really busy, this is the first week in several months that I had 3 nights free. Even with all the extra free time, I still didn't get enough sleep, but I think sometimes it's okay to trade sleep for experience. I mean you only live once after all, and looking back ten years from now I'll be more interested in remembering the experiences I had as opposed to the times I've slept.

Plus I love having the opportunity to connect with other people and I definitely had that this week. This experience was timely as it reminded me of a few points that I think I sometimes lose sight of:
  • No man is an island. Connecting with different people on any level is important.
  • Sometimes, I can learn more about someone if I just ask questions. 
  • Communication is essential, although can be very tricky. 
  • It's really a wonderful feeling to let myself be happy and to focus on happiness as opposed to focusing on the things that make my unhappy.  
  • Sometimes I remember things differently, and looking things up can change my opinion on things I thought were very true (or conversely, solidify my opinion).
It's weird to think it's almost Christmas. I'm looking forward to writing this years 2011 review post.

I want to say more about Christmas. I want to talk more about this holiday but to be honest, it doesn't have the same meaning for me as it used to. I'm not gonna lie, when I was a kid, Christmas was all about the presents. That fat man better eat my cookies and leave me everything on my list exactly. (This feeling has slowly started to fade). But I think it's interesting how entitled, I felt as a kid and sometimes feel now. I think I need to define what this holiday means to me. I think I need to remind myself of what is important. I know that I have labeled myself as Christian on this blog before, that hasn't really changed and I understand the belief that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and celebrating him and stuff. And I think Jesus was a cool guy, who did a lot of awesome things for people. Even if you took out the things that are difficult to believe, e.g., he walked on water, brought Lazarus back from the dead, fed a whole town with a couple of fish and loaf of bread. Even if you took all of that out, the guy was willing to love people no one else would, and that is not something everyone can do. However, I never really bought into the Jesus was born in December thing because there is no factual evidence that this happened. Also, Jesus didn't really like all of the traditions of the church. Hence why there are a lot of Old Testament practices that are no longer followed. Further more, if you really look at Christmas it is an amalgamation of a lot of different holiday traditions. The Yule Log, the Christmas tree, the giving of gifts, the decorations, the Jolly fat guy, also the Jesus' birthday thing. I mean if you break it down Christmas is supposed to be about giving and stuff. Giving time of yourself to spend with the people you care about. Sometimes giving presents to others to show your appreciation, you know that whole experience of spending time with people you care about and enjoying that time together. I think this year, I want to focus more on the fact that I get to spend a few days with people I care about and never get to see anymore.

I'm certainly not perfect and I still have sense of selfishness around Christmas. I'm stoked that my dad gave me money for Christmas (I totally need it to pay for school). I'm excited to know that I'm probably gonna get to open some stuff on Christmas morning, new stuff is cool. But then I also think why do I care so much about stuff? I should care more about the people who gave me the stuff. Which is why I'm at a point where I want to reevaluate Christmas.  I'm so appreciative that some of the kids at my school gave me presents. It was really bizarre and so sweet to be on the receiving end of a gift from a child. It was such a surreal feeling. I also love that I get to spend time with my mom. I'm grateful for the break from 50-60 hour work weeks. Yet I still managed to work over break, but it could be worst. I'm happy about a lot of things right now but that whole not avoiding sleep to experience life does not apply to blog entries. And I keep getting distracted so I'm gonna go prepare for Christmas.

Anyway, I hope y'all have a happy, or merry or whatever you celebrate Holiday Season.


p.s. to my dad... I love you. Thanks for the things you do for me. It's cool to know that someone has always and will always think I'm special.